Dating in 2022 -  "Wherefore Art Thou, Love?" Does LOVE think that I have COVID??? I went to brunch with one of my girlfriends the other day. We’re still in a global pandemic, so as we waited for our table to be called, we stood by the door and watched the influx of people coming in and out wearing masks. Some even wore gloves and double-masked to be safe(r). After about 15 minutes, our server (also wearing a mask) escorted us to our table. We discarded our coats, perused the menu and began the ‘let’s catch up” process. As we took off our physical masks, our figurative masks came off as well as began to engage each other in conversation about life, love and all things in between. A question that she posed to me, “Does Love think I have COVID?” made me laugh hysterically, and gave me new inspiration for this week’s blog: Why is dating so hard? DATING APPS ARE THE DEVIL! Online dating apps have taken the phrase “first impressions are everything” to a whole new level! It doesn’t matter which one it is, they all work pretty much the same way. You create a profile, [...]

A Double Fight for Freedom As we wind down January and prepare to enter into Black History Month, everyone will be inundated with information, pictures and stories about African-American heroes. Some will be honored for their inventions. Some will be remembered for their work in medicine. There will be a litany of those that are remembered for being the “first” something. All of the historical figures that we come to look forward to will be spoken of: Harriet Tubman, Malcolm X, Sojourner Truth, (now) the Obamas - they will all be a topic of conversation at some point because they led/lead incredible lives, made amazing contributions to the world at large and deserve recognition for their achievements. Chief amongst those that have and will always be celebrated is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He will be lauded for his civil rights activism. He will be recognized for galvanizing a nation and bringing global attention to the atrocities of the plight of African-Americans in the US. His awards and honors will be mentioned, and his speeches recited as a way to further immortalize him as well as further etch their meaning on the insides of hearts. Many will be talking [...]

New Year’s Resolutions:  How’s it going?? It’s a little while after the New Year rolled in and I’m checking in on how you’re doing. It has likely been several weeks ago that you made your New Year’s resolutions. They are a funny thing, resolutions are. And believe it or not, they have a long standing history. It is believed that the ancient Babylonians were the forerunners of New Year’s resolutions some 4000 years ago. As a part of a 12-day celebration, they pledged their allegiance to the newly appointed or the reigning king. They also made promises to the gods to repay debts, and return items they’d borrowed. They believed that if they kept their word, the gods would reward them with favor in the upcoming year. In Rome, there was a similar practice. Julius Caesar adjusted the calendar to make Jan 1st the beginning of the new year (somewhere around 46 B.C.). Named for Janus, a two-headed god believed to symbolically represent a deity that can simultaneously look to the future and the past, the Romans made sacrifices at the onset of the new year and promises of good conduct for the upcoming year. Christians took up the [...]

The Four Hours That Changed the World:  Remembering the Insurrection  As Americans, there are days that will stand out in our memories forever. Depending on how old you are, those dates may vary in terms of their personal significance. But, there are some events that have taken a foothold in the annals of history and in our hearts, that impacted people, young and old. The day simply known as “9/11” is one such day. It marks the day that in 2001, Islamic terrorist group, Al Qaeda, hijacked four planes and attacked prominent buildings in Washington, DC, NY and VA. The world changed that day. In late August of 2005, a hurricane named “Katrina” touched down in Louisiana. Because of poor engineering of the levees that were supposed to protect the residents of New Orleans, the flooding from the hurricane wreaked havoc on the city, killing over 1800 people and creating more than $125B in damages to homes and businesses. There is no way to quantify the emotional damages that still persist to this day, but suffice it to say that the world changed again that day. We had another glimpse into how “America” treats its Black and brown inhabitants. [...]

LET’S TAKE A ROAD TRIP! -  Building Love Maps There is a long-time running joke about husbands and wives having fights during road trips about using maps. You’ve seen it in movies, commercials and it's been a topic at dinner parties for years.  He thinks he’s right and knows exactly where he’s going. She thinks she’s right and is frustrated that he’s not listening. And all the while the map, the key to ending the argument for once and for all, is sitting on the backseat. Maps. They work…when you use them. Maps hold TONS of information that most of us never even pay attention to (don’t worry. I won’t bore you here with all of the details concerning map minutia). “It’s too complicated”, some say. And they may be right about the amount of information, but think about how much easier our lives are because of maps. Now, in real life nobody is really using physical maps anymore. No judgment here if you are :). But GPS (which is based on maps) is here now to make our lives even easier. How so? Because the more information you have, the easier any area is to navigate. And if [...]

Paper Clips, Staples and Folding Over- Attachment (styles) matter! Everyone that’s ever been in a relationship that didn’t quite work out in the way that we wanted can attest that, amongst many other things, when it’s over you’re left with questions. Why didn’t it work out? Was it you? Was it the other person? Undoubtedly, a mature person will (eventually) be able to take the onus for their part in a failed relationship. But, in doing the work to get to the bottom of things, what exactly are they looking into? How does one begin to even look into reasons that something ended without looking at the beginning?! But this time, I don’t mean the beginning of a relationship. I mean the beginning of you. How YOU began to learn to attach to people starting with your first set(s) of relationships - more specifically, your family- matters. This is to say that we all have different attachment styles and yes! Though they happened with your early childhood bonds, they impact your adult relationships in ways you may not recognize.  We, the lay people of the world, are always throwing out these wild notions about relationships that are only loosely supported [...]

Why Are Holidays So Doggone Hard?! It’s that time of year again. You know, that time when everyone is talking about what to do and where we’ll go...and who’s hosting and what’s on the menu. It’s the holiday season. A time when all is right with the world, and everyone is happy, healed, safe and at peace. Right? Wrong!!! Let’s be real. Not everyone is waking up playing holiday music and counting down the days until they come. For some, this isn’t the happiest time of the year. In fact, those people are desperately trying to figure out what the heck everyone is so cheery about. And, “it’s the holidays!” is not an acceptable answer. Why? Because “the holidays” don’t mean the same thing to every body. If you’re feeling a little (or a lot) down in the dumps, it’s OK. You’re in good company (and not in the “misery loves company” kind of way). I just mean it in the sense of letting you know you’re not alone. This time is hard for millions of people across the world and I’ve come up with 6 reasons why. Let’s talk about it...   #1: Disappointment I heard someone say [...]

The Different Ways We Cope There are different ways we all cope. We run, we shop, we overwork ourselves, we even shut down and respond in rage. While some coping strategies aren’t necessarily harmful, coping is only really a temporary fix to the pain left from stress we’ve experienced in life. How many times have we had a rough day at the office. Or maybe we just experienced a tough divorce, job loss or notice we’re having trouble in relationships. When situations like this happen, we turn to whatever helps us feel better or makes us forget what it is that is too painful for us to experience. For example, we have an argument with our partner and they start to yell. You aren’t seeing eye to eye on something and they’re voicing their feelings out loud. We hate when our partner yells and criticizes us, who doesn’t? What happens? You may shut down. Heads go down, words go silent. You sleep in the other room, don’t come home after work as usual or avoid contact. In this situation, the yelling and what’s said could trigger us. Some of us cope by avoiding contact and others by pursuing their [...]

Let’s confront racism because it has a big impact on many of us Racial and social injustice exists; unfortunately, a lot of us have to navigate it every day. Whether we have experienced it in our own lives or have just come to realize how prevalent it is in our society, it exists. All of us share the responsibility to confront, understand, and deal with these issues. As we see things unfold in front of us and even in events across the country and world, they all bear the unsettling truth that racism and social inequality influence almost every aspect of our lives and culture. How can we survive and continue forward in the midst of racism? A part of it is managing how we are responding to it. Working with a therapist to understand how our brains work, how our bodies respond to threat, and how we cope with these issues is important to make sure we can take care of ourselves in this war and grow in our self-awareness. Repeated trauma from racism For those of us that have experienced firsthand the horrible feelings associated with being punished for our skin color, this is not our first [...]

by Alicia Beltran These are hard times for many of us! We are going through a worldwide pandemic that has triggered us in different ways. Many of us have adjusted to working from home or have some anxiety around returning to work. While balancing work projects, we have also taken on being our children’s educators and/or day-care provider; we’ve needed to find ways to multitask and find it harder to get through each day. We’ve been functioning from the realm of our homes, lacking our typical socialization, connection, and pleasure. Some of us are alone at home and depressed. Some of us have been confined to closed spaces with the people closest to us and at times experience conflict, tension, or misunderstandings. Some of us are experiencing financial hardship and worry about our next month’s expenses. On top of that, there is still fear of an ambiguous virus that lacks research and treatment and the course of what our lives may look like in simply a month continues to be unpredictable; this can cause us to experience uncertainty and anxiety on a frequent basis. Coping with COVID Another truth is that right now, most of us are coping. Coping [...]