“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
—Brené Brown
Sex Therapy
Why do you need sex therapy? Because it’s 11:33pm and you’re lying next to the spouse you’ve not been able to have sex with in 3+ years. You want to. You remember how great it used to be, until something…who knows what!? But, something happened and you couldn’t find your rhythm again. One night turned into one week and then a year went by. And now you’re here. We can help you get back.
Why do you need sex therapy? Because it has been over 20 years since the assault happened, but you can still feel it like it happened yesterday. You don’t want it to, but it’s causing a riff between you and your partner. You’re tired of carrying the weight of it. You haven’t really been able to talk about it in a way that has freed you. And it’s keeping you from being able to really be free and enjoy real intimacy with someone who loves you.
It could also be the case that you are an adult who experienced some form of sexual trauma as a child and therefore have conflicted feelings about sex. Sometimes adults in this situation don’t really understand how sex can be pleasurable as an adult. And, if you have a partner, your sexual lens can create dissonance due to your perceived disinterest in receiving or giving sexual pleasure. You see other people enjoy it. You have friends that talk about how much they enjoy it. You have a partner that cares for you and wants to express their love sexually, but you can’t receive it. And since you can’t, you may be tempted to think there’s something wrong with you. There isn’t and you are not alone. This is a very common scenario and we can assist. We can help you ease some of that burden so that you can give and receive love in the way that you deserve.
Why do YOU need sex therapy? You are just plain old bored! You’ve been with the same person for x number of years and you’re ready to spice things up a bit. It happens…we get it! Allow us to be the ladder that helps you get to new heights.
There was infidelity in your relationship and you haven’t been able to connect sexually since it happened. You thought you’d forgiven the offense and put it behind you. But every time your partner goes to touch you, it doesn’t feel like you’re ready. You don’t feel like you’ll ever be ready. Sex therapy is for you. Cheating does not have to be a death sentence for your sexual relationship. Let us help you work through it.
If you can’t talk about it, you can’t fix it. That’s what we’re here for. Let’s let the hard conversations that lead to healing and sexual wholeness begin.
SEX. A 3-letter word that means so much, and so many different things to different people. For some, the mention of sex causes feelings of angst, shame, anxiety, stress and a myriad of other negative emotions. For many of us all, there are innumerable conflicts with sex. For example:
- Conflict with sexual identity
- Conflicts with sexual changes throughout life’s aging process
- Shame around sex
- Struggles with postpartum sex
- Sex with a disability
- Sexual ability
- Battling “good girl” syndrome
“Sexuality is one of the biggest parts of who we are.”
-Carla Gugino
““Sexuality is who you are personally attracted to.. But gender identity is who you are in your soul.”
-Caitlyn Jenner
Imagine a set of parents in their early 50’s. They have tried for years, unsuccessfully, to have a baby. They decided on IVF treatments. They get down to their last egg, and bingo! They have hit the baby jackpot. Having struggled with getting pregnant and dealing with all of the nuances and dangers of a geriatric pregnancy, mom is beyond over-the-moon happy when her little prince is born. Having taken so much care to conceive, she can’t bear the idea of missing one moment of baby’s life. So she, naturally, must have the baby in the bed as they sleep. The problem is, while the baby is carving a magnanimous love-hole in mommy’s heart, her constant need to never be separate from the baby is driving an equally sized wedge between her and hubby in the intimacy department. But he loves her, and respects her process. He is patient…as long as he can be.
Time passes and the baby is now 4 years old and dad has taken up residence on the couch for the last 2 years because the baby, now a toddler, is still sleeping in the bed with mom. All of his sexual advances are met with rejection because all of her energy is being given to their son (whom she refuses to kick out of the bed), whom he also adores. He isn’t jealous of the baby, but he misses his wife. He misses the pre-IVF intimacy that they once shared. Now, he feels dejected and used – as if she has now gotten what she has always wanted and now has no need for him. They haven’t had sex for as long as the baby has been alive, and several months after his conception. Dad is feeling like the intimate part of their relationship is gone forever. Mom is struggling to find her libido again, and is having a hard time balancing motherhood.
“Don’t be afraid. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t ever apologize for your sexuality. Just be you.”
-Sonya Deville
This couple needs sex therapy. These are oftentimes head and heart issues that can be talked through. And that’s where we come in. So, let’s talk about what sex therapy is and isn’t.
What is sex therapy?
Let’s start from the beginning. Sex therapy, like other types of psycho(talk)therapy is a conversation. It involves you, and if you want, your partner, sitting down with a non-judgmental, neutral and experienced therapist who can talk you through the ‘why’, worries and “what can we do now?” surrounding sexual challenges including: low or lack of desire, trouble reaching orgasm, shame or anxiety related to sex, problems maintaining arousal, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation, vaginal pain, sexual dissatisfaction, and past sexual trauma that is presenting problems today.
Many people feel a sense of isolation and hopelessness about these issues. We’re here and you’re here now. You don’t have to feel alone for another minute.
What sex therapy is NOT!
Sex therapy is not a physical, sexual encounter between us and our clients. We use our sessions together to talk. While doing so, we engage in conversation about your feelings and ideas about sex, relationships, and how our bodies work bioligically. We talk about things like how your culture, society and family history play major roles in how you function sexually. Really, think about it. Most people struggle sexually because of how they grew up thinking about sex. Think about what your parents showed or taught you about what a healthy sexual life should look like. In most families, sex is not discussed at all. We’re socialized one way, society pushes another and we are somewhere stuck in the middle. And heaven forbid we experience sexual trauma – the tangled web grows even longer and more complex. But we’re here to help you untangle that web and help guide you to have the sex life that YOU want.
Sex is about so much more than the physical act. Let’s talk about the biological, psychological, emotional, mental and spiritual roadblocks and relationship dynamics that are in the way of you having your best sex life.
